You earthlings live over here on Earth.

And then there's this huge flaming mass of gas called the sun in the middle.

And we Erbedians live over here on planet Erbede on the other side of the sun.

And that over there is the Blue Moon, or "Ma'ru" if you prefer.

We have another moon, too, but we don't talk about it because it's a 300+-year-old antiquated metal piece of junk some scientists launched that shouldn't exist. I wish it were smaller so we could pull it back to Erbede and trade it in for an upgraded version.

You'll probably notice that we don't have a cool satellite photo of Erbede to share across the Interplanetary Web (IP-W) like the beautiful photos you have of Earth. That's because we aren't into space exploration like you people are.

We know what's out there, and we don't want any more of it than we already have.

Trust me.

So here's the awkward truth. This website is basically a giant Public Service Announcement screaming:

Stay home.

Invasive species are the most dangerous force in the known universe, and we have enough humans here already, thank you.

In essence, we Erbedians, we "aliens" who inhabit a planet sharing your planet's rotation, are sharing our culture with you now, to curb your curiosity so you will leave us alone.

This is one of those, "Don't call me, I'll call you situations." You know, like when there's someone you hate, and in order to tell them you don't want to talk to them ever again, you have to talk to them? This is basically that but on an interplanetary scale.

That being said...

A council of important people decided we should go about this whole awkward confrontation in the least confrontational way possible. They decided on a two-pronged approach to the interplanetary communication issues at hand:

1. Send someone unintimidating.

They decided this because you people have the weirdest ideas about aliens. To alleviate some of your fears, they sent me.

I'm a comedian, and I'm super average. And short. And entertaining. And now I feel incredibly self-conscious about all of this.

2. Send literature.

Nothing illustrates a point like the well-aimed words of a book. So we pooled together some of our favorite literature from Erbede which will hopefully convey my PSA in a more artistic way than I've just shared it.

Over the years, we've studied Earth a little, and it came as no surprise to us that you also have invasive species.

We read about Asian carp, "White People," and a plethora of other similar disasters.

It seems you know plenty about the destructive power of invasive species - such things can cause entire economies to collapse, unnecessary wars, plagues, injustice, mass extinction, famine, etc., etc., etc.  You might be wondering why I'm making such a big deal out of this.

Erbede is what you might call an intergalactic launching point or a cultural trade center. It's become the home of every known people-group, but it wasn't always that way. There used to be just two peoples. Then three, and those three made four, and another invaded making five.

Then the travelers came through portals. The Maseruy with their wars and treaties. At first everything was fine. They were wonderful architects, scholarly, respectful.

It was such a horrible catastrophe that it marked the beginning of a new era: the time "After Amesyth," which is the name we chose for our literature.

Two men are responsible for bringing about about The Great Conquest.

Basically, The Great Conquest was Emperor Daaden's fault because he initiated the whole catastrophe, and he was sadistic and the worst. But everyone blames King Ayris because he's the one who opened the portals that linked the known universe, making a bridge by which everything was made possible.

Philosophers speculate that if Ayris hadn't opened the floodgates, everything would be the way it was supposed to be.

You can read more about The Great Conquest, King Ayris, Emperor Daaden, King Luwus, and other invasive species in Jensine's novels and short stories.

I hope you now understand why we can't invite you over for tea on the porch. It's not anything against you or Earth (probably.) And we do genuinely hope you enjoy the content of the After Amesyth Series.

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From an early age, Gum’ba’ya Ta’nu’na, aka Stupid Tuna, was an outcast due to his eccentric philosophies and his desire for meaningful friendships. After enduring years of ridicule, Tuna finally left his school to start a new life as a cartographer. One Descent, Tuna found himself making a choice his people would consider unimaginably stupid: he chose to save the life of a drowning stranger, and that choice changed everything.

The Stupid Tuna Chronicles

A Serial Fiction Novella

Hey Earthlings!

If you love out-of-the-cosmos sci-fi adventures featuring unlikely heroes who grow to overcome their fears, weaknesses, and vices to learn the value of love and friendship while being confronted by a bigger than life, world-destroying villain in an epic battle of good and evil...

Gcallus Octevius is most certainly NOT the novel for you!

GCO is a sci-fi noir novel filled with mystery, tragedy, and a fair share of comedy. 

GCALLUS

Book 1 • Coming Soon

My Cup of Tea

A Serial Fiction Novella

Excerpts coming soon